


Chance

by echznmay



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Child Kozume Kenma, Hurt/Comfort, Parental Kuroo Tetsurou, Sad Kuroo Tetsurou, Sick Kozume Kenma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 17:16:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29720574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/echznmay/pseuds/echznmay
Summary: Kuroo is a man with an overwhelming feeling of guilt, who seeks forgiveness and wishes to redeem his sins. Kenma is a child who seeks for the warmth of a parent. He had lost his mom, but not his dad. I’m bad with summary but please read the story inside, because I enjoy writing it.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	1. Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a fan of parental au and since there aren't many parental Kuroo and child Kenma fanfic to read, I've decided to write one. I hope this story is to your liking. English isn't my first language and I'm writing with the help of autocorrect settings on my docs.  
> Enjoy. 
> 
> Haikyuu!! Is not mine.

_'Oh god, I'm here again'_

_There's nothing in there. Everything is pitch black, except for a dim light that is shining from afar. Kuroo walks towards the light, expecting the same person to appear. He has been there countless times. Walking through the same pathway, towards the same dim light that is slowly brightening. He'll meet the boy again._

_And there he is. Standing in the same dark, narrow room. Looking around, his surroundings slowly showing their appearance. Kuroo couldn't see a thing except for a small closet in front of him. He knew what's awaiting him upon opening the closet. There's a small kid, crying helplessly in front of him. Sobbing is the only thing that kuroo could hear. He could do nothing. Kuroo has been here a few times already but he never could touch the kid, let alone comforting him. He's too fragile, his cries made Kuroo's chest tighten._

_'_ _Not this feeling again.' Kuroo knew this feeling well, it is the feeling of guilt._

_Suddenly the kid raised his head up, looking through kuroo. His cheeks were red, and so were his eyes. Dried up tears stained his cheeks before he cried again. This is new for Kuroo. Usually this will end with him trying to touch the little kid, but this time, it's different. Kuroo looks at the kid, before looking back, trying to understand what the kid is looking at._

_There's nothing there, except for the darkness. But Kuroo could see, even a glimpse of it, he still could see. A pool of crimson red blood. His eyes widen, and look back at the kid, who's now crying loudly._

_"W-wake up…. *sobs* M-mommy… w-wake up…. *sobs* Mommy…"_

* * *

Kuroo jolted up awake. He could hear his own heartbeat, throbbing so fast that almost made him hard to breath, to calm down. Shaking hands covering his face, swapping away the cold sweat from his face. God, he feels like crap.

It’s the same dream again. The same _nightmare_ . An overflowing feeling of guilt filling his chest, stressing him out. Kuroo feels like crying. _Crap_ . He _is_ crying. He knows that he needs to be strong and do his best to redeem his sins. After all, this is all his fault. He deserves to get this punishment, to suffer, since he had made them so.

Kuroo sighs heavily, trying to calm himself down. He can make this. He believes that he can. He can't give up just yet. Not yet. Kuroo reaches the nightstand, searching for his phone. Upon turning it on, a picture of a dirty blond woman with a black haired toddler, smiling brightly as his phone wallpaper welcomes him. Kuroo sighs upon caressing his phone’s screen.

“Just where are you, son? W-why is it hard,... for daddy to find you? Yet you keep on appearing in daddy’s dream, c-crying helplessly like that.” 

Kuroo didn't realise that he was actually crying again until teardrops fell onto his phone’s screen. He rubs his eyes, wishing for the tears to stop but instead, he is crying harder. Kuroo brought his knees to his chest, hugging himself and buried his face into his knees. His sobbing echoes throughout his hotel room. It has been 3 weeks since his arrival in this city of London. It has been 3 weeks yet he still couldn't meet his one and only son. 

* * *

It all starts with Kuroo opening his old email at his office, checking through his inbox after abandoning it for 3 years. There were a bunch of unread emails but what attracted his attention the most was an email from his girlfriend, or maybe ex, but they haven't officially broken up yet.

Kuroo opened the oldest email from her first, which is an update on her first trimester of pregnancy. Yes, Kuroo impregnated his girlfriend during his doctorate studies in London. Kuroo still couldn't believe why he abandoned his girlfriend after knowing that she is pregnant with his child. He was scared, not ready and angry. Angry at his girlfriend’s foolishness for not agreeing with the abortion. 

Thus, it led to him leaving her without notice. Besides, he knew the news after a week returned to Japan. Kuroo believed that she will realised how much Kuroo don't want to take the responsibility for the child and hence will make her agree with the abortion. Kuroo had his own dream to achieve, and so did her. Kuroo believed that having a child to take care of is not a good thing for both of them. That was what he believed for the past 2 years and a half.

However, his mindset changed upon opening the email from her. She didn't abandon the child, unlike him. She was sure stubborn, and not just stubborn, but loyal too. She kept on updating Kuroo about her pregnancy, despite not receiving any response from Kuroo.

_“My morning sickness was hell. But I’m hanging there.”_

_“It stresses me out how much my hair loss during the pregnancy. But it will eventually grow back.”_

_“I did my ultrasound today! The doctor said that our baby is healthy. Look! Don't you think he’s cute?”_

Kuroo clenched his fist. How can he be so cruel towards her? How did he have the heart to leave her? Knowing her, Kuroo knew how stubborn she was. But he did not expect her to stay with her decision. Kuroo kept on reading, looking at all the pictures that she attached.

“She emailed me as if it is her diary.” Kuroo’s comment stopped upon reading the following emails.

_“I knew that this was my decision to begin with. But, Kuroo, this is hard.”_

_“I know this is foolish. Keep on spamming you without receiving a single reply from you… I’m sorry.”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

Kuroo’s chest tightened. He could feel his heartbeat beating fast. He knew her well. She’s the type that would not let others see her burden. She’s the type who will hide her feelings, bootle up until it stresses her out. Kuroo took a deep breath, and kept on scrolling. Looking for the next email from her. Kuroo noticed that there is a two months long gap to her next email. Kuroo clicked it open and read it. Kuroo gasped. He did not expect this.

_“I had a bad construction last 2 months and my water broke. But you don't need to worry! I was lucky to be at my workplace so my colleagues helped me to get to the hospital._

_Kuroo, I gave birth to our son. Yup, he was born premature, at my 24th weeks of pregnancy. I was placed in intensive care for 2 weeks before I got to see him. Here, I attached his picture.”_

Kuroo clicked at the picture attached. It displayed a kind of machine that has a lot of wires connected to it. Inside, laid a baby with wires covering his small frame. The poor baby was so red, to the point Kuroo couldn't believe that it was actually a living person. Whoever the photographer was, they were surely good at it. Even from the picture itself, Kuroo could see how struggle the baby is to breath. Not just that, it was painful, even for him, who decided to leave them before. Kuroo took ample time to recover from his sadness and anger before rubbing his eyes and continued to read.

_“I wasn't prepared when I saw him. I was imagining scenes in my head yet I didn't expect to be so lost. I couldn't get closer to him, let alone touch him. The doctor said that he has a few complications and will continue to have more. But seeing how strong our baby is surviving to live, I will be strong for him. Until your return, I will be there for him.”_

That's it. His tears broke again. He was crying to the point that he forgot to breath. Kuroo clenched his shirt on his left side, where the throbbing heartbeat came from. It hurt him so bad. Kuroo rubbed his eyes to read the sentence again but tears kept on flowing, making his sight blurry.

“ _U-until my return?_ S-she took two months… _two months_ to recover and build her strength back a-and still have _faith_ in m- _me_?”

Again, Kuroo was too immersed into hating himself and crying to the point that he forgot to breathe. He was almost hyperventilating but he was lucky, because his office mate, Yaku entered their office and noticed him.

“Today’s lecture was hell. Kuroo, you wont believe me-” Yaku gasped upon seeing Kuroo behind his desk, crying and clenching his shirt like his life depends on it.

“Shit! Kuroo! Breath.” Yaku ran towards Kuroo and held both of his shoulders, shaking and slapping Kuroo’s face to knock some sense into him. Kuroo was brought to reality, thanks to Yaku. However, Kuroo was still crying. After feeling like hours, Kuroo finally calmed down and excused himself to go home without explaining anything to his friend.

Upon reaching his home, Kuroo laid onto his bed and continued to read his emails through his laptop. He had no time for dinner nor bath. His two angels were his priority. Kuroo opened the next email from her, and then another. He read them as they were his bedtime stories.

_“I named him Kenma, it starts with the same letter as yours!”_

_“Kenma had difficulties breathing on his own so the doctor said that he can't go home just yet.”_

_“Can you believe how sweet his smile is? Look! He's freaking adorable!!”_

_“After 4 months, finally Kenma is allowed to go home today! I’m so happy to bring him home!”_

_“Kenma is so shy around people so I decided to extend my maternity leave.”_

_“Look! Kenma finally can turn his body on his own!”_

_“I think I'm obsessed with my own son. He’s so lovely!”_

_“Kuroo! Can you see? Kenma is starting to walk!”_

_“Kenma is 1 year old today! We celebrated with just two of us since Kenma is still shy with my friends.”_

_“I took Kenma to my workplace today. Kenma was shy at first but when we were about to leave, he waved a good bye to the old folks! New achievement for Kenma!!”_

Kuroo smiled before sobbing with tears. His son is so adorable, so precious and lovely. He looks just like his mother. Kuroo took a heavy inhale before clenching his chest again. He can't forgive himself for leaving them. He can't forgive himself for not being there, together with her, raising their son. Kuroo never hated himself this badly before. Kuroo reached the last and latest email from her. She stopped sending him emails on updates for their son. Just like how he left her, that was what happened to him now.


	2. Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a while. I was struggling on how to organize the plot for this chapter. I hope I did well, lol. I’m welcoming any kind of review so please do tell your comment about this story.
> 
> Haikyuu!! Is not mine.

_Yawn_

Kuroo rubs his eyes upon entering the cab. He is supposed to meet with the private detective that he hired today. He hoped that today’s meeting would give him information about his son’s whereabouts. The dream last night still haunts him. It was different from before as he could see further and maybe what he was dreaming last night was a glimpse of his son’s memory, or maybe not. 

The ride to the detective agency wasn't as smooth as what he thought it would be. The news about his girlfriend’s update kept on flashing back into his head. Kuroo sighs heavily, rubbing his temple. He still could not forgive himself. _Heck_. He will never be.

* * *

Kuroo realised that the last email from her was half a year ago. However, Kuroo wanted to hope. Hoping that he can reach her again. Hoping that he can correct the mess that he had made. Hoping that she would still wait for him and would still accept him. He knew that what he had done was beyond forgiving but he wished to correct things out. Besides, she promised to believe in him, to wait for him until he returns, _right?_

In an instant, Kuroo emailed her. Telling her that he wishes them to be together, to be a family. His adrenaline was running high, Kuroo didn't want to wait even more. He wants to reach her now! He had her waiting for 3 years, 3 fucking years with a tons of unread emails, with no reply from him and he will not let her wait any longer. 

_What if she gave up and wished to move on?_

Kuroo slapped his cheeks with both of his hands and left them stings. Even if she lost hope in him, he will still find her, find his _family_ and fix this. Kuroo browsed the internet, looking for the contact number of an old folks home that she mentioned in one of her emails. After dropping out from college, abandoning her doctorate studies despite being a final year student, she chose to work there to support her new family. With the hope that he could reach her through her workplace, Kuroo believed that this was the fastest way.

Kuroo’s hope was crushed upon seeing the results of his search. The old folks home that she had been working at was caught on fire almost a year ago. Apparently, the fire burnt the whole building down to ashes and the residents were transferred to their sister institutes. Upon reading the news, the light that sparked inside Kuroo died too. Kuroo couldn’t find her without any information on where the staff were transferred to too. Again, Kuroo was pacing back and forth in his bedroom, trying to think and sought for ideas on how to search his family again. He will not give up just yet. Not until he found them, and begged on his knees for acceptance to repent all the faults that he had done for the past 3 years.

Kuroo stopped pacing and dashed to his closet, took out his luggage and threw his clothes inside. He couldn't stand the idea of staying there, cracking his brain out only to reach a dead end. Kuroo was determined to fly to the city where the last time she had been and start from there. He still had no idea on what to do but at least he made a move, a move forward to reach his family.

* * *

Upon arriving in London, Kuroo already had things in mind on what to do. He was determined that he will meet them in no time and willing to do anything to make them accept him into their family. After having a sufficient amount of rest at his hotel room, Kuroo went to the detective agency that he had called before. Apparently, Kuroo requested for their service to track his girlfriend and son.

His choice to seek for the detective’s service was the best, if he would say. Within 3 days, they came out with the result of his girlfriend’s whereabouts. However, it wasn't a pleasant one. Kuroo suffered from a mental breakdown and could not digest the truth that was delivered to him. His heart shattered to pieces. Apparently, she had passed away half a year before. That explained why she stopped sending the email. He had left her waiting, for the rest of her life. She would not know that Kuroo finally wished to return to her and their son, until her last breath, she would never know.

“Apparently, she was murdered by a burglar. It was said in the news that their neighbors heard her screaming past midnight and when they arrived there, she was barely conscious. The burglar was trying to run away through the front door, drenching in blood. However, it happened that he wasn't meant to kill her. As for your son, he was found in a closet, not far from the body. He was sent to hospital afterwards and up for adoption before being adopted by a Spanish couple.”

The detective, whose name is Sebastian couldn't stand the sight of Kuroo. His knees were on the floor, crying his lungs out and yelling her name with all his might. The word ‘sorry’ kept on being repeated as it was a mantra. Kuroo hated himself the most. It was too late. _Too late._ She was already gone. Even their son was taken away, already being in other people’s care. Maybe that's the best for Kenma. To be in a care of people who will treasure him better than Kuroo.

After feeling like years crying, Kuroo finally agreed to follow Sebastian to the graveyard, where her body resides. It happened that her generous neighbours and friends insist that she deserved a proper funeral, despite having no family members aside from her own child. Besides, she was a very sweet and kindest person they had ever met.

Kuroo caressed her name that was crafted on a tombstone with his shaking hands, and still couldn't accept the truth. He thanked those people around her who gave her the funeral, giving him a chance to meet her again, even though she is now 6 feet below. 

“H-hey, Emily,” Kuroo choked upon greeting her.

“I came… I came, Emily. I’m… I’m here.” Kuroo took a deep breath, rubbed his eyes and tried to act tough in front of her grave. But he failed to keep his cool.

“I’m sorry,” was all he could mutter, barely whispering before his tears fell again, making his vision blurry with tears. His heart hurt so much. He was frustrated. He was angry to himself. He was so determined before that he could meet his angels yet, this was not what he meant. He wanted to meet them in flesh, safe and sound. He wanted to see her smile again. He wanted to hear her voice again. He wanted to beg for forgiveness in front of her in person, not her tombstone.

“I'm sorry to make you wait. I’m sorry that I’m a disappointment. I’m sorry that I’m such a coward. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…”

* * *

Sebastian didn’t leave Kuroo mourning for her death alone. In fact, he accompanied Kuroo. It wasn’t like him, to extend his job and comfort his client. It was just, Sebastian couldn't stand the story of these two. She loved him dearly. Despite being left alone, it doesn't trigger her faith in him, until her last breath. Whilst the other one, only to realise when everything was too late.

Sebastian even helped Kuroo to go back to his hotel, due to the weather that was worsening. Even the sky was mourning her death along with Kuroo. Kuroo never left his bed ever since. He never cared to reply to his colleague's concerned messages, asking for his whereabouts. _Hell_ . He felt like hell. He felt like _dying_.

Kuroo opened his room’s balcony door, allowing the cool breeze dashed into his room. The beautiful scene of the night city life of London didn’t amaze him. In fact, it didn't catch his attention at all. Kuroo looked down, eyes glued on the street below. It has been 2 days since he learnt the truth, about Emily’s death, about Kenma’s adoption. He could never repent his sins, _right_? Now that Emily’s gone, his only son is away from him. He might have a better life with his adoptive parents, compared with him. 

Kuroo climbed on his balcony and sat on the thin rail. His mind was away, already left his body. And so will his soul. He could feel the strong wind blowing. Maybe it will rain soo. Kuroo was about to lean forward, only to be stopped with a notification sound from his phone that was placed on the nightstand beside the balcony’s door. Even from afar, he could see the light coming from his phone. A picture of Emily and Kenma smiling appeared on the screen. Kuroo’s mind snapped upon seeing how bright his son’s smile was. He realised that everything is not over yet. It's true that he had lost his chance to apologise to Emily in person, but not his son. After all, he did owe his apology for the kid.

Kuroo stumbled on his seat, and he was lucky that he laid back, allowing the gravity to pull him back onto the balcony’s floor. Kuroo landed on his back before turning his body around, dashing into his room to reach for his phone. He had set his mind. He will search for Kenma and apologise to him. Even if the kid does not understand, he would still do so. Thus, he texted Sebastian, paying for his service again.

* * *

Kuroo reached the detective agency that is now a frequent place for him to visit. Sebastian called early in the morning today, saying that he had an update on Kenma. Kuroo couldn't describe how happy and excited he was, imagining that he could finally meet his son. He went straight into Sebastian’s office and took the seat in front of his desk.

“Morning, Sebastian. Now, tell me the update on my son.” Kuroo started the conversation, demanding for an answer.

“Morning, Mr. Kuroo. I've found out about your son’s whereabouts but first, I need you to calm down and be ready to hear what I'm about to say.”

“Don't tell me it's another bad news! I've lost Emily! Don't say that I’ll lose Kenma too! I haven't even met him!” Kuroo burst into anger. He was standing and leaning his head forward, both hands on Sebastian’s desk.

“Please calm down Mr. Kuroo. You can meet him after this. But I need you to prepare yourself. Please,” Sebastian’s voice was calm as he’s assuring Kuroo to believe in his words. Kuroo sighed and sat again. After taking a few deep breaths, Kuroo nodded his head, giving a sign for Sebastian to continue. Sebastian nodded and looked at his computer screen.

“After the incident, your son was assigned into an orphanage in the next city. He was adopted by a Spanish couple a week after his enrollment. You remembered this, right?” Sebastian saw Kuroo nodded before he continued.

“Apparently, the couple were neglectful. Your son was found in an abandoned apartment two days ago by the landlord. Based on the landlord’s statement, she received a message from the couple, saying that they're back in Spain as the wife’s mother who stayed with them died. They wish to bring the body back to Spain and hold the funeral there. That's why they move out from there. Which means, they left your son behind.” Sebastian paused and looked at Kuroo, who was trembling with anger and disappointment at his seat. 

Kuroo clenched his fists hard, letting his nails dig his palms and let them bleed. He couldn't believe what he had heard. How much does his little angel need to suffer? He never received the love from a dad, lost his mom and then got abandoned? Why is the world against his son? Kuroo was furious, he wanted to meet them in person and beat them up. Only when he realised, he also destroyed Kenma’s life. In fact, he was the one who started to leave a deep wound into the child’s life. He was the same as them. He left Kenma too.

Since Kuroo didn't make any comment, Sebastian continued. “He is now under the custody of police since they are still investigating the case. He will be in the system again after this case was settled. You can go to the hospital now, if you wish. Here are the details.” Sebastian slid a brown envelope in front of Kuroo.

Kuroo snapped when he heard the word hospital. “Why is he at the hospital?”

“I'm not sure with the details but maybe they are running some sort of treatment for him, for the investigation, I guess.” Kuroo hated what had happened to Kenma. What if he was abused? What if he was hurt? And suddenly he remembered Emily’s email that mentioned his son’s health. Kuroo did not wait any longer. He took the envelope and opened it before scanning the details of that hospital. He asked for a last request from Sebastian before thanking him and dashed out the office. He had calls to make and a hospital to visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note:  
> That’s all for this chapter. I’m sorry for being late. I'm also sorry for making the chapters kinda rushed. Also, I made up Emily and Sebastian, since the setting is still in England. I have a high interest in English culture (thanks to Kuroshitsuji and Yuukoku no Moriarty), and that’s why I choose England. I hope this chapter is to your liking! Hopefully there aren't many major mistakes that will drag this story down.
> 
> All mistakes are mine.


	3. Desperation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note:  
> So, I'm back with a new chapter. Sorry that it took quite a while. I was so happy to receive an email update, noticing me that there are people who read and had interest in my story.
> 
> Haikyuu!! Is not mine.

Shouting and pleading weren’t uncommon things to be heard in this hospital’s hallway. Sometimes, there were dramas happening here and there and it looks like it chose this time to happen. It surely disturbed the other visitors and patients, but Kuroo doesn't seem to mind that. He slammed both on his palm onto the receptionist counter, persistently wanting for his demand to be fulfilled.

“Like I said Mr.Kuroo, the said child is under a strict watch and we can't allow anyone to visit him. Let alone revealing his medical report,” said the nurse calmly. She didn’t want to deal with another drama today. Ever. Her break would start soon and she won't let this drag her precious time. She was about to raise her voice louder but the presence of the doctor that treated the said child appeared, making her lost for words.

“Excuse me, may I know what is the problem, Sir?” The doctor smiled, pushing Kuroo’s shoulder lightly to face him. He was trying to get Kuroo’s attention. Kuroo was shocked by a sudden touch on his shoulder and looked at the owner of the hand.

“Are you the doctor here? Please help me! The nurse wont let me see my son!” Kuroo pleaded with the doctor, both of his hands clenching hard on the doctor’s coat. His voice was shaking and desperation could be heard from his hoarse voice. Tears would break through his red eyes soon. His body was shaking, trembling with fears.

“I’m sorry sir. But there must be reasons for the nurse not letting you see your son. Let me check with the nurse first. Could you please patiently wait at the waiting area at the moment? I’ll come to you later,” the doctor smiled. Kuroo was hesitant about letting go off his hands but he realised what he had done. The commotion that he had caused disturbed the other patients too and he was lucky for not being dragged by the security.

The same blonde doctor came back to Kuroo after discussing Kuroo’s matter with the nurse. He looked like he was in his late 20s. He stood in front of Kuroo and offered a handshake. “Mr. Kuroo, is it? Hi, I’m Dr. John.”

Kuroo looked up from the hospital’s floor, shaking Dr. John’s hand. As desperate as ever, Kuroo stood up, eyes locked with Dr. John’s. “Please, tell me that I can meet my son.”

Dr. John sighed, his right hand on Kuroo’s shoulder. “About that, Mr. Kuroo. I’m sorry but we really can't allow you to meet your son. He’s Kozume Kenma, right?”

“B-but why?! I’m his dad! Why can't I see him?” Kuroo’s voice was hoarse, tired and… disappointed. He clearly gave up on shouting as he didn't want to be dragged out by the security. Dr. John sighed and gave a sad smile to Kuroo.

“That’s the thing, Mr. Kuroo. This child is placed under a strict hospital watch and he’s involved with a police case. I can’t allow anyone to see him yet. I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.” it was hard for him to say. Even exposing that much information was against his policy. Who knew who Kuroo actually is for admitting himself as Kenma’s dad.

“B-but, he IS my son!” Kuroo shouted again. He knew that he refused to accept the child’s existence at first. He even told Emily to abort the baby. He knew that he didn't deserve to be called the child’s father but he really wanted to meet him. 

“I’m sorry Mr. Kuroo. It is against the policy. But you don’t need to worry, he’s in good care ” Dr. John once again tried to comfort Kuroo. Kuroo fell on his knees before slowly lowering his body. Both of his hands were on the floor and he placed his head on the back of his palm. His body was shaking, trembling with fear and sadness.

“I beg you, please. Please let me meet him. Please… he’s my son… my only son...”

“Mr. Kuroo, please rise up your head. I’m really sorry but we are in a complicated situation right now. I really can’t let you meet him.” Dr. John was trying to lift Kuroo up. Luckily, there weren't many people there and the earlier crowd was gone. However, Kuroo was being stubborn as ever, won't lift up his head and kept on begging. He felt so useless. Just because his name was not in any of Kenma’s documents, they wouldn't approve him as Kenma’s father. Just how much obstacles does Kuroo need to face and make him feel even more guilty?

Dr. John didn't know what to do. Clearly, the man in front of him won’t budge to give up but he needed to end this soon. A phone call snapped his thoughts and he answered the call. He forgot that he was supposed to meet with the police officer at his office. Looked like he had made them wait.

“I’m really sorry Mr. Kuroo. But I really need to go. Please, rise up your head or I’ll call for security.” Dr. John placed his hand on Kuroo’s shoulder, pulling him to stand up. Kuroo was hesitant but he hated the idea of being kicked off from the hospital. It would make his next visit harder. Satisfied with Kuroo’s action, Dr. John smiled and excused himself.

* * *

Dr. John reached the hallway of his office and stood in front of his office door, two middle aged policemen. They were surely persistent, like Kuroo since they had come to him twice a day ever since Kenma was admitted there. He greeted them two before unlocked his office and offered them to take their seats.

“I’m sorry for being late,” Dr. John started the conversation.

“It’s fine Dr. So, did you get any words from the kid today?” asked the brown haired officer, Inspector Paul. His expression was grumpy, as if he already knew that they wouldn't get their desired answer today. Again. 

“I’m sorry inspector. But as I’ve informed you, the kid is still coping with this incident. Besides, he wouldn’t let any of us get near him and will always cry if we do so. Even I couldn't comfort him. He’s not eating anything too-” Dr. John’s voice was cut off when his office’s door was wide open, revealing Kuroo who was shocked upon hearing the news. Dr. John stood up before going towards Kuroo, forcing him to leave.

“Mr. Kuroo, you can't eavesdrop on the conversation,” Dr. John said while trying to push Kuroo out from his office. He didn't expect Kuroo to follow him to this extent. However, Kuroo wont move an inch and spoke up instead. 

“Kenma is an extremely shy boy. It took more than a year for him to be comfortable enough to be around people. It would be a surprise if he opens up for you this soon,” said Kuroo. His eyes glued on the floor, as if it was the most interesting thing to watch. Dr. John was shocked and let go of his hands. He looked at the officers and then Kuroo.

“How did you know that?” Dr. John was confused. He knew that Kuroo admitted that he was Kenma’s dad but if it was true, then Kenma wouldn't be there. Kuroo looked at the doctor, straight into his eyes before admitting, “because I’m his dad. Even though I wasn't there, his mother would always keep on updating about Kenma’s growth to me.”

“Then, you can question him, right?” Inspector Paul left his seat and grabbed Kuroo’s shoulder. He was annoyed by the fact that the suspects were not yet to be caught and they needed the child’s statement to help them with the investigation. Besides, they had a lot more cases to solve. He wanted to solve this case as soon as possible.

Kuroo noticed that this was his chance to meet his son. After so much hardship, he finally can meet him! However, Kuroo had never been in Kenma’s life, never been with him from the start. He didn't want to give false hope towards the officers but this was the only chance for him to meet Kenma. Gambling with his words and decision, Kuroo nodded.

* * *

Dr. John wasn’t pleased with this. He knew how hard it was to deal with stubborn children like Kenma. Despite being a pediatrician, Kenma doesn't seem to trust him nor his colleagues. Ever since he was admitted, he never allowed anyone to touch him, let alone answering their questions. He didn't even care to eat, despite the rumbling sound coming from his stomach. Dr. John didn't know what to expect from this. He wanted to argue about the officers’ decision on giving Kuroo a chance to meet the child, since he seems to know the kid well but it was held by an urge to see the result. Thus, there they were, walking through the hallway to Kenma’s room. The two officers already left the hospital since they had other things to settle on.

“Here is Kozume Kenma’s room. Before we enter his room, I’ll give you a short briefing about his condition.” Dr. John gave Kuroo a hard cover file that had Kenma’s medical report. He took a glance towards Kuroo who was skimming the document before continuing.

“Kozume Kenma, age two. His previous record stated that he has anemia and asthma. However, I believe that he didn’t get any medications or treatment after his mom’s death. Not to mention his complications for being born premature, we put extra attention on him. But, as I mentioned before, Kenma won't let anyone near him and he refused to eat the food that we prepared. I hope you understand his condition and will not force him even more if he rejects you like he did to us. We don't want to stress him even more.”

Dr. John looked at Kuroo again, before knocking and opening the door. He noticed how tensed and nervous Kuroo was and he wondered where his enthusiasm and eagerness to meet his son had gone. Dr. John told Kuroo to wait for his signal before entering the room. With that, he walked and stood 5 foot away from the kid’s bed before greeting him.

“Good afternoon Kenma. I see that you refused to touch your food again. Does the food not to your liking?” Dr. John greeted Kenma but the said child hid under the blanket instantly, refusing to say anything. He sighed and looked at Kuroo’s direction, nodded his head before continuing to speak. “Kenma, you have a visitor today. Don’t you want to see who came?”

Kenma didn't budge to move nor peek from under the blanket. Dr. John knew that it was the child’s gesture of saying no but he said nothing. Instead, he let Kuroo step forward and kneeled in front of Kenma’s bed. Kuroo was hesitant either he should say something or not. He was scared if Kenma would reject him as how he rejected the other doctors. He was scared that Kenma wouldn’t recognise him. But what he scared the most of was to see Kenma’s face.

Kuroo remembered that Emily mentioned in one of her emails, saying that she placed a picture of Kuroo and her during their university years on the fridge, along with a lot more pictures of Kenma. She would always tell Kenma that Kuroo was busy and couldn’t see them yet whenever the boy pointed out whose picture that was. She would always tell Kenma to respect Kuroo’s decision and would always remind him that his dad loves him. She would always do that since she realised how shy Kenma was towards people and she didn't want Kenma to act that way towards Kuroo. Kuroo took a deep breath, tried to calm himself down and look at the child who was hiding under the thin blanket. His son.

“Kenma-... Kenma, it’s daddy. Will you come out and see daddy?” 

Kuroo choked upon calling for his son’s name but insisted on continuing. He was extremely nervous and he could feel his hands were shaking, his heart beating fast and an unpleasant feeling coming from his stomach. Kuroo noticed that he got a reaction from Kenma as the kid flinched upon hearing the word ‘daddy’ and he could see the grip on the edge of the blanket tighten. Slowly, the blanket was lifted and a pair of cat-like golden eyes peeking from the small gap of the blanket. Kuroo smiled when he saw the eyes, the same eye colour as Emily.

“Hi Kenma, daddy’s sorry f-for everything. Can… can daddy see you?” Kuroo almost pleaded in front of his own son. A shaky smile was formed and his eyes were watery upon seeing the clearer sight of his child. Kenma rose from the bed, abandoned the pillow from his face and tried to sit straight with the blanket still covering his frame. Kenma’s eyes glued on Kuroo for a while, as if the child was analysing Kuroo, trying to recall the picture of the man that her mother introduced as his dad. Kenma’s mouth open slightly before he muttered,

“... H-Hi..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note:  
> I hope that I didn’t make Kuroo too out of character. Hopefully there aren't many major mistakes that will drag this story down.  
> All mistakes are mine.


	4. Rejection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note:  
> Enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Haikyuu!! Is not mine.

Dr. John was speechless when he saw how Kenma flinched and peaked out from the blanket. He couldn't believe that Kuroo managed to make Kenma hear others, since he and the other nurses failed to gain the boy’s attention. Seeing how Kenma reacted and rose from his position gave a new glimpse of hope to the doctor as he saw the new source to treat the kid. Now, he was convinced that Kuroo had told the truth, that he was really the boy’s father. Dr. John backed away and stood further from his position, giving a room for the father to comfort the child.

Kuroo was in a roller coaster of emotions. He was happy and proud that the kid responded to him but seeing how the kid’s condition in front of himself made his heart break. Kenma was too thin in the baggy hospital gown. The collar was obviously too big for him and exposed his bony left shoulder. His sharp collarbone made it seem like it will poop out of his skin. Not to mention his eyes. His beautiful orbs seemed like it had lost it’s light. Even after his dry lips muttered his greeting, Kuroo could see that Kenma still staring deep into his eyes.

Kuroo knew that he should break the silence and voice out his concern. He forced forward and reached out his hand to touch the kid. Hoewer, Kenma was taken aback and flinched upon seeing Kuroo’s hand. Kuroo looked at the kid in disbelief. Does this mean that Kenma did not approve of him? He realised that it wasn't like what he expected. He could feel rejection.

_ ‘He is scared of me too’ _

Kuroo’s mind was messing him up.  _ No _ . he couldn't give up just yet. Not until Kenma approved him. Not until Kenma forgives him. Not until he could repent his sins.

_ ‘Do you hate daddy?’  _ was what Kuroo wished to say but he didn't have the guts to do so. He was scared to hear the answer. He was scared, even though he was certain that the kid would hate him. Besides, he hated himself too. Instead, Kuroo stared at Kenma again before taking a deep breath and apologised to Kenma. 

“Daddy is sorry for not coming earlier. Kenma, daddy is sorry.”

Kenma looked at the man in front of him, analysed him. This is the second time he said ‘sorry’.

“M- mister…” Kenma stumbled with his words, even though his voice was barely whispered. Kuroo noticed that Kenma was anxious, his fingers grabbed the edge of the blanket tightly before he continued.

“But…. but daddy is far away.” This time, it was louder but still sounds like Kenma was whispering to Kuroo. His eyes were watery. His voice was broken and Kuroo knew that the kid in front of him had taken all of his courage to mutter the words. 

“Mister is not daddy.” Kuroo was shocked upon hearing what his son had said. Kuroo really needed to tell the kid that he was not a doppelganger or anyone who had the same figure as his father, because Kuroo  _ is _ his father. Kuroo needs to convince him.

“What do you mean, Kenma? Look! It’s daddy. Daddy is here!” Kuroo stood up, eyes locked with the kid. He was controlling himself for not shouting, as he wouldn't want to scare the kid. Whatever needs to be taken, Kuroo really needs to convince Kenma that his dad is here. Kuroo took out his phone and opened his gallery, searching for his pictures with Emily. Kuroo had deleted his pictures with Emily when he left her, wishing to move on after hearing her stubborn decision not aborting the baby. Luckily Emily attached the picture that she stuck on the fridge together with her email and Kuroo saved it. In fact, he saved all of the pictures that Emily had attached in her emails. Kuroo thanked her for that.

“Look! Look, Kenma! It’s daddy! See?! It’s daddy and mommy! Daddy is here! Daddy came for you! Kenma! Look at daddy!!!” Kuroo shouted. He was irritated that Kenma had flinched and refused to look at him when he started shouting. Kenma needed to see him, in order to convince the kid who he really is. Dr. John dashed towards Kuroo and grabbed his shoulder. He didn't want Kuroo to stress the kid out. He didn't want Kuroo to be rejected since Kenma responded to him on his first try. He really wanted to treat this kid thus he couldn't risk Kenma to be scared of Kuroo too.

“Mr. Kuroo, calm down. You are scaring him.” Dr. John said sternly. Kuroo turned to Dr. John, eyes filled with fear. He shrugged to get his shoulder off from Dr. John’s hand and stared at him.

“He needs to realise that I am his father!” Kuroo shouted towards Dr. John before turning back to Kenma, only to meet a scared child who buried himself under the blanket, shivering with fear. However, Kuroo wasn't at his full senses; instead, he grabbed the blanket to expose the child’s shivering figure. Kenma had curled into a ball, both hands covering his ears.

“Kenma! Look at daddy!” Kuroo leaned forward and tried to grab Kenma’s hand. However, the sensation of another presence coming closer to him only made Kenma scared even more. Thus, he backed away, to the opposite side of Kuroo and fell off the bed. The IV drip that was attached to his right hand had followed the movement of the kid, stumbled by the bed before disconnected from Kenma’s hand since he fell off on the left side of the bed.

_ Thud _

Kenma fell on his head. The back of his right palm was bleeding from where the needle had torn his skin.  _ Hurt. It hurt.  _ However, Kema was too panicked to care about the pain. He was scared of the man in front of him, who claimed to be his father. His heart began to beat faster and faster, making it hard to breath. Kenma grabbed both of his ears, shutting them from allowing any voices to go through. And like every other kid, he cried. He cried louder and shouted,

“Daddy is far away! Daddy never comes. Daddy never comes!!” Kenma was shouting his lungs out. This was the loudest of Kenma that Dr. John ever heard. He dashed towards Kenma to help the boy but Kenma scooted away under the bed and curled into a ball. He could hear the boy’s uneven breath but he believed that trying to help the boy would only worsen his condition. Thus, he stood up and looked at the shocked man who was on his knees, telling him to leave.

“I’m sorry Mr. Kuroo but you need to leave.” Dr. John walked towards Kuroo and helped him to stand up before leading him to the door. Kuroo realised what he had done. He obeyed the doctor’s order and followed him to the door. Kuroo took a quick glance towards his son that was crying under the bed before the ward’s room shut.

* * *

Kuroo is now at Dr. John’s office, waiting for the doctor to come back from treating Kenma. Kuroo sighed, hands rubbing his face while his elbows on his knees. How come he lost his temper on his son? How could that be done? Kuroo was frustrated with himself even more. Even if Kenma refused, he should have been patient with his kid. He should've known that. Didn’t Emily tell him before? Kuroo wanted to go back to Kenma’s room but Dr. John told him that he would help Kuroo and Kuroo should've waited in his office instead. Kuroo glanced at his watch, it was almost 30 minutes since he got to the doctor’s office but the doctor is nowhere to be seen.

* * *

Dr. John tried to keep a safe distance between Kenma and himself, giving signal to the boy that it was okay to come out. He even kneeled on the floor and looked under the bed, trying to comfort Kenma. The kid was crying silently and sniffles could be heard between the breaks. Dr. John cleared his throat, before taking his move.

“Kenma, hey. Look at me, will you? It’s me, Dr. John.” Dr. John tried to sound as soft as possible before continuing, “Kenma, your hand is bleeding and I need to check on your head too. Will you allow me? Please, Kenma?” Dr. John pleaded, he reached out his hands and touched Kenma’s back. However, Kenma scooted away slowly and curled even more. Dr. John sighed. He didn't want to use force on the traumatized kid but if he didn’t do so, Kenma’s wound would never be treated. Thus, he dragged Kenma out from under the bed and tucked the stubborn kid on the bed with the blanket.

Kenma wailed softly, struggling to get off from the doctor but Dr. John’s grip was firm, never giving any opening for the kid to get away. With that, Kenma’s wound was treated and the IV was back on his hand, only to be secured with thick bandage wrapping the IV area. Kenma struggled even more when the doctor checked on the back side of his head, since the throbbing only made him feel worse. Dr. John noticed the swollen area and quickly ordered the nurse to get an ice pack to calm it.

“Here, all done,” Dr. John patted Kenma’s head, and looked at the child’s broken expression. Dr. John knew that the kid would never answer anything nor ask anything from him but he would never give up. Thus, he stroked the kid’s hair and rubbed his watery eyes.

“Kenma, did you hurt anywhere else? Anywhere else that I didn't notice?” Kenma’s only response was a sharp stare towards the doctor and he buried his face into the pillow, blanket all over him. It was the kid’s signal of rejection and Dr. John really couldn't do anything about that. With that, Dr. John stood up and walked away, leaving the boy’s room.

* * *

“Doctor, isn't there any way to make him recognise me?” Kuroo is now pleading in front of the doctor. His expression was a mess. Kuroo would do anything as long as Kenma would acknowledge him and accept him. He even had made up his mind to get rid of his anger and to be patient so that Kenma won't be scared of him anymore.  _ Never. _

“Calm down, Mr. Kuroo. I promised you to help and I'd definitely help. First of all, you noticed how Kenma reacted to you at the beginning, right? I guess he still has hope in his father but refused that you are in front of him because of the fact that you never were by his side in the past,” Dr. John took a glance at Kuroo's frustrated face but assured him not to worry much. 

“I believe that you could still gain his trust, but not that fast. He lost his mother quite a while ago and kid’s memories often fade over time. Ever since that, he has never seen your picture, like what you’ve told me. Thus, what I’d recommend is for you to have a talk with Kenma, show him the pictures of you and his mother. It'd be best if you have pictures of him and his mother so that he could strengthen his memories and gradually regain what he had been taught from there.”

“So.. So you aren't prohibiting me from visiting Kenma, right? And I just need to show him pictures and talk to him?” Kuroo was happy that the doctor was so generous in still allowing him to meet his son.

“It’s like having a story time with him. I hope he will open up for you this way.” Dr. John gave an assuring smile. As someone who loves children, Dr. John would love to see Kenma’s smile and laugh like the other kids. Never in his lifetime meeting kid who rejected him. Thus, he would do his best to help the kid out.

“Thank you doctor, but I have a request.” Kuroo broke the silence and looked at Dr. John in the eyes. Dr. John nodded, giving a sign for Kuroo to continue.

“I wish to put my name in every Kenma’s documents. With that, I can legally have the responsibility on him and have the chance to have him back. I've hired a lawyer to help me with this, and I'll take him under my care as soon as this case settles. Will you help me to give a trustworthy guarantee for me to have my son back?” Dr. John could see that Kuroo was sincere and honest with his words. He nodded and agreed. Besides, if things go well, he can help the kid to find his desired comfort, right?

* * *

Visiting hours almost ended. Kuroo stepped into Kenma’s room once again, placed a few pieces of photographs by the kid’s pillow and caressed his son’s hair out from his forehead. Kenma looked so fragile in his sleep and Kuroo was afraid he might hurt the kid. Kuroo took out his phone and took a picture of Kenma before kissing the kid’s temple. Kuroo continued to caress the kid’s head, not realising that his sight was blurry and he could feel his nose was going to get watery. Kuroo rubbed his eyes on his left sleeve, while his right hand was still on Kenma’s head.

“Daddy is really sorry. Forgive daddy, Kenma,” he muttered before standing up, kissed the boy again and went to the door. Kuroo peeked at Kenma once again before closing the door. Kuroo was really not strong for this. Not only his son’s condition was worrying him but Kenma refused to believe that he was actually there in front of him. Kuroo took out his phone and logged in to his old email and emailed Emily's email address. If Emily had made it a habit to email him like a diary without a single reply, so will he. We would do the same.

.

.

.

_ ‘Dear Emily.  _

_ I finally met him, our son. I met Kenma! He had the same golden orbs, like you. He looks angelic, just like you.  _

_ Emily, he won't eat. I don't know how long he had been left without proper care but he is very thin. I’m worried that he will get sicker.  _

_ Emily, he won't recognise me. He still believed that I was away from him.  _

_ Emily…  _

_ Can I really fix this?’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note:  
> That’s all for this chapter. Hopefully Kuroo and Kenma aren't out of character too much. I hope there aren't many major mistakes that will drag this story down.  
> All mistakes are mine.

**Author's Note:**

> That’s all for the first chapter. I hope there aren't many major mistakes that will drag this story down.  
> Please review!  
> All mistakes are mine.


End file.
